Lately I've been a little full of myself, self-righteous is a probably a better word. I've become almost holier than thou. No, i haven't necessarily found religion, however my words and actions would say otherwise. I've become a little over bearing in my views and will towards K. I really noticed it last night. I know that if i keep it up i will be left to be alone. It's not a pleasant thought.
I've also thought about why i don't remember things that happen throughout the day, i believe it is because i numb myself to the world around me. Maybe it's because i am unhappy in the life that i am leading. At least professionally, I don't look forward to the fact that i have four or five years of serious schooling to go till i get a degree and a huge cloud of uncertainty to along with it. It's the little things that happen to us during the day that helps to have conversations with people. Perhaps it's because i have not conversed normally with people in a meaningful fashion in such a long time, maybe ever. I'm learning for the first time being twenty-nine. I suppose better late then never, eh? It might be because my only really experience is with my father and whenever i talk to him, and just talk, he takes everything so seriously.
Speaking of my father, the man has had quadruple bypass surgery, and i've spoken to him once since. It hurts a little, that he doesn't even think that i care enough to know how he's doing, how he feels, hence as i said before, there's this huge divide in conversation. I am really concerned for him. I wish he would see it, both Z and I are! The party that upsets me the most about the situation is that if we hadn't called him (abet three weeks after the surgery) we would have never known. I wonder what would've happened if he wouldn't have made it through, if he would have... .. died. Would Anna have called to let us know? Would I have found out from the lawyer that is handling his estate? I wish i could say with any amount of confidence that his wife would've informed us, though she is a horribly bitter and spiteful woman. It just upsets me to think about it. So i'm not going to say anymore.
Till next time.
