Visited the KCLS, did some soul searching

I got off work today and decided that I didn’t want to sit at home and stare at my walls or go down to the beach at that time of day. So I decided to go to the library. I was just planning on doing some research for my quest into credit repair. Seems that the subject is pretty easy after doing some initial research, since this is my first visit to an actual Seattle area public library, I have to say that I am pretty impressed with the King County Library System. You can have books shipped to your home library from anywhere in the system. I put on hold nine different items. A couple of I hope Hungarian language CD’s.

 

Since I moved up here I have been having this urge to get back in touch with my Hungarian heritage. Both my parents are natively from Hungary, my sister and I are first in our family to be American nationals. Since my grandmother died three, no, four years ago this mother’s day. I have come to realize that if I don’t take an active role in trying to relearn my language now, before I become too “busy” with my life, there’s a good chance I never will. So as a consequence of that I have decided, I have partied most of my twenties away and now am ready to start my life and making a difference in this world. To also stop considering myself a victim, life is what I make of it.

 

You know, I was thinking of this while I was at work today, I really do admire my father. Not only is he a good man, granted a little crude around the edges at times (ex-army), he has some of the best character that I have come across to date. Mind you I work in a restaurant/bar, so I have seen my share of shady people, also worked with a few of them. Anyhow back to the point, my father, his integrity is excellent, and he always has a different perspective on things. I don’t always see eye-to-eye with him. But in the end he is still there. You know growing up as a kid, i wanted to be accepted. My parents, because of their immigrant background, tended to dress me and my sister in traditional Hungarian dress. The getups could be pretty tacky! I mean I had rainbow suspenders! Oh if the pictures came out at my wedding I’d still be a little embrassed, but not really. This was back before the rainbow symbolized the pride colors. Ever since I’ve tried so hard to be accepted and to please people, moving to the northwest has helped me to understand what kind of a person I am. Unfortunately, I can be an easily influenced person. And this is were I see how I want to be more like my father. He doesn’t care what other people think of him. Goes about his business and only when you communicate to him what you feel does he understand. Or acknowledge. I used to think this was an aggravating trait since, I tried to get everybody to see things my way. But because of two people, my father and Bryan, both being very like the other, stubborn. I have learned not to change people but to appreciate them for who they are and what they have done.

 

I have done many stupid things in my life so far, and no doubt I will do many more. But the stupidest thing I have done so far, actually it’s two, got onto drugs, and tried to fit in and please everyone. Granted my moving up to the northwest was a half bone-headed maneuver, as in the fact I didn’t plan things out the way I should’ve. I wanted to get away from, not texas, but sadly Randy. The route in life that he was traveling was just not the same way that I wanted to go. I’ve realized sometime ago that I don’t want to do the drugs anymore. I really miss the outdoors. Growing up in cali., you did outdoor activities. Other than the horrible air pollution, the climate was absolutely amazing. Come on isn’t that why everyone wants to move to Southern California? I understand why there are so many fat people in Texas, you don’t want to go outside. It’s fucking HOT! I remember working at Stream in Carrolton, I was driving this 1980 Honda Civic Wagon “the Beater”, it was the summer of 1999, and we had sixty days straight of at least 100 degrees. You don’t want to go outside in that weather. Who would?! So I didn’t do much outdoors there, nor does anyone else really in the state. Why you ask, did I mention how hot it is?! In that kind of a climate you sit around inside in the air conditioning and find things to do to occupy your time. For me and my close friends it was smoking pot. Hell, I was a doing it daily for a while there. I mean I was a pot head. Now I’m no, saint, by any means. Some of my best friends are still daily smokers… but I want to know what’s beyond that foggy haze. That also kinda brings me full circle on the Randy thing, he was headed down a path with much more serious drugs. For him pot turned out to be, the gateway drug. I never wanted to know anybody who could get meth/ice. For obvious reasons… it’s not that I didn’t like to have a good time, I never wanted to lose control! There were a couple of times when I was on the verge. It was thanks to my boss at my frist hotel job that helped me to see that. That shit, fucks with your head way too much. At least it did mine. I never saw it as a challenge to see how long I could stay up. I remember back in my younger days, what I happened. Hell, I pawned my N64, that I wanted so bad, and played so much for the drug. Lost a really decent job… was on a really steep downhill path. I had different reasons for doing it then. You know, somehow the outcome ended up being the same. Well, almost the second time.

 

I have a pretty ambitious agenda for myself, in the coming months, well ambitious for what I’m used to. Since I really have no T.V., or any real friends, Zynnya, has given me an idea. Why don’t I join some kind of club and do races. She suggested that I do running, but, I’ve never cared for it. Regardless of how good it is for you. I’m worried I’ll screw my ankles up, and I’ll be handicapped in someway, way too young. Also the fact, what’s the point. It takes so long for you to get somewhere! I much prefer bicycling. You can really cover some distance/see more, and in the end I feel accomplished, which is the important part, no? I’m going to join a bicycling club as soon as I get one. Which by the way is really high on my priority list. I am going to take up running for a lack of better options for the time being. Before I get distracted by some other thought here is my personal agenda for the coming months;

 

• Complete a 5k run or a comparable bike race.
• Clean up my credit. So that it is no longer an issue in job selections. The hold up should be my lack of skills or what not, not my financial history!!!
• To lose most if not all the fat around my mid-section. Or rather get in shape/lean.
• Start college, right now it’s looking as if I’m going to take Chinese studies. (I love to hear mandarin Chinese. It flows really beautifully. And it’s the future)
• If not start studing Chinese. Maybe diving.

 

I have to say after reading this list, it sucks as a list, but, it is something for me to see and commit down to “paper”. The worst one on this list, I have to say, has to be the credit repair. That is going to be the most discouraging. Since I am not exactly sure what to expect from this process. To be physically healthy you have to be mentally healthy. That means being positive.

 

Till next time