Starting to get a little worried

I was off tomorrow. Decided to pick up due to the fact that it’s supposed to be a busy weekend, unfortunately I have this team in training thing that started tonight, and continues on Sat. morning. It’s at seven o’clock. I really want to go, hell I even seriously thought about calling into work. But I’m not going to be able to do that. I feel way too guilty doing that. That is letting the people I work with down. I really want to participate in this program however, I feel like, I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this commitment. I am having doubts about my ability to do this. What with my legal issues coming up on the horizon very quickly. My number one commitment is to my job, then to myself, then to whatever else that needs my attention. I’m going to have to e-mail these concerns to my “mentor” (aka sponsor). :)

 

When I first got to Austin which was the very first weekend that I got out I had started to go to AA meetings I went for pretty much three weeks straight. Almost, I didn’t go the fourth of July. Except my dumb ass didn’t do one thing. Was record it, I didn’t think about it. I’ve never had to think about doing things like that. Now I’m going to have to put my nose to the grind stone and get my bankruptcy proceedings started. I’ve got an income started again. You know, this whole uncertainty hanging over my head is the worst feeling in the world. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m still going to be going to jail. I know I don’t have a choice in this matter, and the sentence is 0 to 5 years. Especially with the judge, the best route is to talk to my lawyer and find out. What it is I should do. But this is seriously causing me some distress tonight. Enough to not let me go to sleep, I’m going to have to go to an AA meeting about this and try and resolve this in that manner. I need to talk about this. This is driving me crazy.

 

Maybe I should call my sponsor; he may know what it is I should do. I’m going to have to work this out. Whatever it is I do, I have to take action. You know the hardest part of this whole ordeal is the fact that I lost my car. That is by far the worst part of this whole ordeal, oh and that little part about having to spend more time in jail. I know that the DA is going to want to settle this so that it doesn’t go to trail, as do I. I’m just concerned that it’s not going to be in my favor. I wonder if I have to spend time in jail if I am going to have to go directly from the court room or will I have an opportunity to wrap my affairs and come back and report to jail. Or is it a possibility that I can do weekend time. Man, this whole uncertainty is enough to keep someone up at night.

 

This is just something that I had to write about. Because, I was just thinking to myself, this is why I drank in the first place, to quite my mind so that I could go to sleep. Now I’m looking at some roughly 3 hours of sleep if I can not worry and get to sleep. This writing idea seems to work. Just have to write out what you are thinking about and it gives you a sense of relief. Or a way to unwind. Till next time.